As fun as it is for me to talk about myself and who I am, you can find that in plenty of places on this site. All you really need to know is, hey, my name is Sam, I am a current college senior and I want to help students, particularly those whose parents didn’t go to college, like mine didn’t. I’m hoping for this blog to not just be another lecture point for you, but rather a place for open discussion and thinking. This isn’t extremely polished, or the “correct things” to say to people who are still figuring themselves out; it’s meant to be real, honest, and hopefully helpful to give you something to think about. But honestly, the question that I, and probably you too, are more interested in is who are you?
Sometimes in high school, and in life in general, it can feel like everyone has everything figured out. Which is probably a statement you’ve heard a thousand times before. And you’ve probably heard that that’s not at all true. You’ve also probably heard that not everyone does have everything worked out, so you don’t have to worry about it. That’s not quite true either. Comparison is normal and healthy – yes, you can take it to an unhealthy degree, but there’s nothing wrong with you by feeling underwhelmed by yourself in comparison to the selves that others present. Telling someone to ‘not worry’ can sometimes be the same thing as saying ‘don’t breathe.’ Yeah, you can stop for a minute, but eventually it’ll come back and it’ll hurt for a bit more than if you didn’t stop. I figured rather than telling you “not to worry” I would instead show you some of the people that I knew in high school and what they’ve told me now after a few years of clarity.
Let’s give you some examples of students that I encountered throughout my time both in high school and in college. Some of these are exact quotes, while others are versions of their stories that I wrote out for them.
What They’ll Say
“I always knew”
I always knew that I wanted to be a doctor. When I was little I would nurse my dolls to health and I always wanted the people around me to feel good. I’m good at biology, and my parents are also really supportive of me. I get straight A’s, I’m a pitcher on the softball team, and I play in the band – marching, jazz, and class.
“I think that’s the path for me?”
I think I want to be a math teacher? I’m kinda scared to not be in the school environment and I really liked linear algebra so I think that’s the path for me? I’m not the best student, but I feel really comfortable here and also all of my friends are going to college, so I should probably go to?
“I have never regretted that decision”
At my high school, it was expected that every student would go to college. You wouldn’t *have* to, but everyone knew you kind of did. My senior year the school paper ran a story from a student who graduated the previous spring and now attended a prestigious University of California school, who reassured her readers that while *she* was incredibly active in leadership and applied to around 20 colleges, not *everyone* needed to do that – likely as few as 10 (!) colleges would suffice. But, she reminded us, it’s a great time to start building your unique identity on LinkedIn!
I was pretty sure this was nonsense. You only need one yes, and there are so many paths in life that don’t go through an ivy-league school. In fact, I was pretty sure I didn’t want to go to an ivy-league school, so that was one trouble avoided. And I was pretty sure that I wanted to go to college, but I was also sure there were other options, whatever my peers implied. In the end I applied to exactly one school early-decision, with a fall-back of a school that would simply accept me on the basis of my GPA being higher than 2.75. My one application got me an acceptance, and then I had the one yes I needed, and that was enough. That spring I didn’t attend my AP tests, knowing that having another 16 AP credits would get me nothing over the 12 AP credits I already had at most schools. My peers seemed both confused and jealous, but I have never regretted that decision.
“School isn’t for me”
I know school isn’t for me. I just don’t think like that and honestly I don’t really care enough to want to spend the time on assignments I don’t really care about. My friends are all graduating, but I’m a few English credits shy and I honestly don’t want to be here after they graduate. I don’t know what I’m going to do.
“You too deserve to dream”
I was not expected to graduate middle school because of my housing situation. I had always gotten decent grades but was unsure of how to pursue my dream of going to college. For how could I pay for college when my family could barely afford food, so I knew that I needed to take risks and rely on everyone who would support me in pursing my dream of achieving higher education. I learned how to navigate the educational system, apply for financial aid, and sought out support systems before I would even arrive on a college campus.
“I still don’t know”
No one in my family went to college, so I made it a point to really want to go to college. Which college? I don’t know. What for? Who knows. My only goal is to get in to college and I’ll probably figure it out. Maybe? I still have don’t know what I want to do, but I just have to have hope for the best.
What They’ll Tell You Later
“I always knew”
I’ve doubted what I wanted to do since forever, but I’m scared of not having a plan forward. Plus, I’m scared my parents won’t want to help me pay for college if I don’t have this plan. I don’t really like softball anymore, but I have a scholarship so I can stick with it for a few more years. Intro bio was hard, but I got through it and so I think I’ll still get through med school. I have absolutely no idea where I want to go after here though, I guess I still have time to figure it out?
“I think that’s the path for me?”
I spent one semester at college and then I dropped out. I wasn’t ready for the academics and I also missed my friends and my life as it was generally. I don’t like change and their was just too much that I couldn’t handle. I went back home and spent three years as a math tutor and now I finally feel ready enough to go back to college. Though, I’m going to try a community college first this time for my gen eds so that I can keep my comfort.
“I have never regretted that decision”
Fast forward four years, and it seemed like everyone was talking about grad school. Getting a PhD would be another 6-8 years of my life, and some really annoying applications, so I only want to do it if it would actually help me. Reading job applications online, it seemed that most jobs in my field were fine if with me only having a bachelors degree, as long as I had 6 years of experience. None of them offered me a way to get that experience, so I figured the most straightforward way would be to go to grad school – there we got, 6 years of experience and some fancy letters with my name. This time I was successfully pressured into applying to 11 grad schools, as there are no sure chances in applying to grad school. Out of all of these I got my one yes, to a school that I think will really fit me. And maybe after that I’ll finally find a real job, or maybe I’ll find a new plan. We’ll see.
“School isn’t for me”
When my friends left, I decided to get my GED rather than taking summer classes. I got my license and decided to take an overnight shift at a local fast food place. It’s not the most exciting job, but I also love my coworkers and I’ve been able to save up a lot. I currently own a house that I live in with my girlfriend and our cat, and 2 new kittens. I don’t really know if I’ll be here forever, but I’m comfortable.
“You too deserve to dream”
Now, I am expected to graduate an elite liberal arts college and been elected Student Body President. Where I am now was never in the cards, but I knew the power of education was worth the risk. To anyone who still doesn’t know where to go: I encourage you to seek out resources, find people who will uplift you in your journey, and know that you too deserve to dream.
“I still don’t know”
I got into a college! And I eventually figured out that I really liked sociology? I also made friends with one of my professors, who became my advisor, and she focused on technology studies so I took on a digital studies concentration. Now that I’m graduating, I think I’m regretting not doing an education concentration because I think I want to work with kids? Hopefully my very limited credentials will be enough for some of the cool jobs I see. I still feel happy with where I am even though I still don’t really know where I’m going.
All of these pretty lengthy anecdotes are to say that whether or not you know exactly what’s going to happen at every point in your life, life will still go on. You’ll figure it out along the way and bumps are bound to happen. Having a plan can be really nice, but my advice to you would be to let the winds shift that plan a little if something starts to feel off. It’s okay to worry; it’s okay to not worry. Both can be true at once.
Not to get all statistic-y, but according to a youScience poll, 72% of recent high school graduated feel “only moderately, slightly, or not at all prepared.” for post-graduation. While I have issues with the framing of these types of statistics as being a huge reason for concern, I think it’s helpful in realizing that even for those with plans, a lot don’t feel ‘prepared.’ You can have a plan and feel unprepared, you can not have a plan and feel okay. Your journey is your journey, but it’s also okay to worry that you don’t know where your at.
While I can’t help you feel prepared, and despite interning under the counseling office, I can’t directly help you make a plan, what I can hope to do is help you realize the values you need going forward in the future. If you can know who you are and the values that are most important to you, then you have enough reason to be able to feel prepared, even without fully knowing what comes next. My biggest change after high school has been able to really take the time to figure out who I am in a way that I never really knew before. If I had any advice to you, it would be to take the path that best lets you see yourself in a new light.